I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
