I just saw a hot homeless man
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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