if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
