In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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