R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
