I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
