U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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