its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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