Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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