i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
