if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
