Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
