god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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