it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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