My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
