so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
