i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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