awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
