Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
