Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
