I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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