its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
