nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
