My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize