Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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