Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
