she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Terrible idea I love it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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