I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
