apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
