it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
