I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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