My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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