i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
