It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
