my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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