I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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