a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
