I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
