So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize