There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
