my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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