my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it penis luge time yet?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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