please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will be naked everywhere
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
