omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize