If i come over, it means nothing
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
