i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
