all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
