I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
