I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
