please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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