well you can't waste a boner
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
