my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
