id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
