Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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