i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
