I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize