You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
