i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize