i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
