Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
