I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
