We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
