I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
