So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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