You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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