Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
