His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Liz is crying about burritos again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
