Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Panties = found
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
