I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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