you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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