"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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